Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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