your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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