I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
