he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
