Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
