Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I deserve this hangover.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
