We got so high we made milksteak
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
