I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
did i just pee glitter
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
