Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
