I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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