I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
