I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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