how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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