His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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