im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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