i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
