Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
