Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
