He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
