College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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