Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
