he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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