I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a naked man in my car right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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