i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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