how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
