Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize