I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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