1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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