I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
