well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
