I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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