you traded sex for a burrito?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
