the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize