I've blown a few things in my day
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
