Me. At least after what I've been through.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
