My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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