i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize