Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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