she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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