Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
