i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize