I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
