i barfeds in our rink
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
