and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
