Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
