A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
