You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
