Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
