we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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