areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
