I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
