i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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