Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
