took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
