Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
