you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
