this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
