Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Drunk is a universal language darling
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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