Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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