I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
