Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
