Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
