My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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