At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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