Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Michael Bay diarrhea
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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