my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
