i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
