Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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