I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
