Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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