Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
