your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
