Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
